I hope you didn't delete your account. What you told us in your posts is that you are depressed and anxious and that you have some fetishes and are trying to deal with them in a way that you don't like and doesn't make you feel good about yourself. You are trying to find a better way to deal with life.
Here are two quotes from the Bible that I like.
Philippians 4:13 - I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.
Psalms 90:12 - So teach [us] to number our days, that we may apply [our] hearts unto wisdom.
These are from the King James version which I often find the wording difficult to understand. If you could go to your library they may have a copy of "The Message" which is a version of the Bible written in every day language.