|Your situation in life is very taxing, and your framing or interpretation of this situation probably makes it even more difficult. In addition, you have subjected yourself to all kinds of labels, and describe yourself as 'diagnosed', suffering from 'harmful patterns', etc. All these things have been said to you by others, and clearly they have not helped, at least not in the longer term. What kind of person are you? How does the life you lead make you feel? What would you wish for yourself as 'the good life'? These are the kinds of things to think about and try the important changes of lifestyle. If you wish to talk about this I have a couple of available hours tomorrow afternoon and evening or the day after tomorrow.