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I gave birth to twins thirty-six years ago. A girl and a boy. At birth, The girl had no complications, however my son struggled for two minutes with no oxygen, born blue, then had jaundice and required extra days of hospitalization. He has no physical limitations however his mental ability has been labeled as mild-retardation. In school he struggled with all Academic classes, and has difficulty expressing his thoughts through communication. As an adolescent he could cope through daily activities, however I did find him always fidgety and unable to concentrate. I brought him to a Neurologist suspecting ADD, but because the Medications for ADD back then were so scary, we opted out. His Dad and I put him through a private school in order to seek the resources that he needed. He passed through school because of his large size and not because of grades. I could see that he was developing a behavioral attitude. He refused to do homework, he was angry all the time, He withdrew from crowds, his only friend was another student with his disabilities. He attended a public school for ninth- twelfth grade. As a teenager he loved sports and played city baseball which was coached by his dad. He made the high school football team because of his size, even Though he did not posses the needed skill. He was a well built, good looking senior. He graduated from High school with a certificate of participation, not a diploma. But he tells everyone to this day, including his kids, that he has a diploma. Because of his good looks, Girls were after him. One girl in particular liked him so much, she became pregnant with his child. He was not prepared to raise himself much less a baby. They lived with me for a while, He was given jobs by uncles and family members who were trying to help, but his learning skills always caused him problems and he would be released from the job. He would Always blame someone else for his dismissal. His dad was the cities volunteer fire chief so he got our son on as a volunteer firefighter. (His dad has since past on, but my son is recognized as a well liked firefighter. I think he has split personalities. ) Eight years ago he finally got on with a government job of cutting grass for our Parish in LA., not a high paying job, but a steady one with benefits. He and the mother of his child got married, and her parents, who are well-off, built them a house and we all wished them a great future together. But, all was not well....another baby came along, bills piled up, the wife gets news of a having a terrible medical condition, he has no compassion, he turns to more alcohol, his wife turns to another man, and now they are going through a divorce. My son is back living with me and we have the kids every other week. My thirty-six year old son has carried around an academic chip on his shoulders for years and is not willing to admit that he has a problem. He feels Everyone else is at fault. He drinks alcohol as a cop-out. Because of his lack of expression, His favorite words are "that's stupid", and "I don't care". He needs anger management. He does nothing to help me out at home financially or physically. Because of his lack of communication skills he refuses to talk to me about him seeking help. I don't know who to turn to. His twin sister has married and moved away. I feel so bad about calling her so often about his problems. She and I have become exasperated trying to find solutions. He has never been physically abusive to me, but I am tired of his lies and excuses. Can anyone please tell me what to do?
Posted By : MaddyMaw Date: 19 JUN 2015

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Thanks, 

Jamie
Response By: Jamie Sclafani Date: 4 JUL 2015

What is your #1 question and how can I help you ?
Response By: Bill Herrera, Ph.D. Date: 2 JUL 2015

While therapy and learning to manage the relationship, stress etc are very important, my sense is what would really help is a clear and accurate diagnosis. My immediate sense is on the spectrum of aspergers, however this requires a great deal more research and testing before assigning any labels which can be harmful if applied prematurely.
Response By: Eric Holmes Date: 19 JUN 2015