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Marriage Attention Desperately Sought
I'm only 24 and my husband and I have been married 4 1/2 years. We've dealt with physical fights, emotional fights, having a daughter, more fights, cheating, lying, hiding things, leaving the relationship for another, more lying, and we're still trying to give it a shot, but we obviously need some serious support to make this work since we are both incredibly hurt and some days seem hopeless.
Posted By : courtneyburke Date: 28 MAY 2013

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Thank you for writing to the proventherapy team. I hope this message finds you well. I encourage you to reach out through email if you would like to. You can find my email on my profile page (search therapists and type in Jamie.) Unfortunately we are not able to change the past, we can only change our future. I do have a religious side to my therapy. Philipians 3:14 says "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." I hope that verse encourages and you and lets you know that all things are possible!


Response By: Jamie Sclafani Date: 1 JUN 2013

Good afternoon Courtney,

Thank you for sharing with me what is going on in your life right now that encouraged you to seek counseling. I am happy that you are seeking counseling to sought out your feelings and marriage issues. I look forward to our therapeutic relationship to fulfill your needs.

It sounds like the situation with your husband has really sadden you, and that both you and your husband need support to work out the issues affecting the marriage. You and your husband are having difficulties resolving marriage exposed feelings of guilt over past behaviors, anger directed at the other for being incompetent and for being unfair for engaging in another relationship. I think I have a clear picture of your days of hopelessness, marriage issues and  your daughter. This is a lot. And, I think all of what you mentioned is possible to solve with encouragement. So, before we start lets agree on the goals for treatment. The goals are to 1. reduce the hurt feelings, 2. increase communication with your husband, and 3. Define what you and/or husband can do to make the relationship right (by strengthening the marriage and family structure). In counseling sessions, we will discuss emotional pain, hopeless feelings, your marriage, daughter and help in getting your life and marriage back so you can be happy again to reconnect to your husband. Courtney, it would be a great idea if you could encourage your husband to engage in counseling as well as your daughter.

If you agree to the goals of counseling treatment, we can establish a plan that focuses on improving your issues. Remember Courtney, my goal is to help you to live a more happier and more effectively. I look forward in working with you.

Have a great day,
Diane Davis, LMHC 
Response By: Dr. Diane Davis Date: 29 MAY 2013

The fact that you wish to correct yourself is what matters. The road ahead will be real hard work and needs your complete participation, honesty and your husbands consent co operation and participation too. 
Please confirm that you both wish to participate and your daughter too, if need be. It will a few sessions and commitment.. If this okay then we can surely work together. Please think over and respond.. 
All the best
Response By: Dr. Sharanya Dinesh Date: 28 MAY 2013

Hello Courtney,

Thank you for writing to Proven Therapy. It takes courage to take this step, which is also the most important.
Could you please tell me if this  is  also your husband's wish? Have you two discussed the need for therapy and he agreed? Is the fact that you wrote to us, an on line therapy company, an indication that you, BOTH, would be more comfortable with on line therapy, rather than face-to-face?
Ideally, for this to have chances of success, you would need to speak with one therapist, your husband with a different therapist, the, both of you together with a family therapist to put it all together. It  would require your committment and several sessions. A specific plan  and goals will be designed once you decide. Depending of your daughter's age, she may be included in some family sessions. Please email me if I could be of help. Thank you. Rodica Mihalis
Response By: Rodica Mihalis Date: 28 MAY 2013

This has been a lot to deal with and the very fact that you are still talking to each other is telling about the emotions that you still have. How old is your daughter? Has she witnessed any of the physical and verbal confrontations? The best way for you to seek counseling would be in person, in your area. Online counseling may help, but beware that such grave problems tend to return: the conflict usually does not go away unless both partners are able to change the perspective. If you start online counseling,this would essentially require that both of you work with separate counselors, and that these counselors maintain mutual contact, that you organize your routine so as to be able to be counseled regularly, with no interruptions, and that you have the discipline to implement in your home what you reach as conclusions of counseling. This will require a lot of determination on your part.
Response By: Prof. Aleksandar Fatic Date: 28 MAY 2013

First of all, I'm sorry to hear of everything you have been through....IT IS ALOT!!!!! 
I also think good for you if that is what your goal is and if you are BOTH willing to do LOTS and LOTS of hard work and forgiveness.  You both really have to look deep within yourself to see if you are willing to overcome the past and work towards a new future where you can overcome the hurt..  Something important to remember is the PAST is the PAST and NO ONE can change the PAST..from this point forward all you can DO is NOT let the PAST become the PRESENT or the FUTURE. 
I would be happy to work with you and listen to you and help you become what you truly want to become. Please let me know if I can be of help for you.
Response By: Kari Schulz Date: 28 MAY 2013