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Why do I feel this way?!
I'm 25 years old and I'm a bartender. I get mad over the dumbest things even though I KNOW it's dumb. Like, sometimes my boyfriend comes in the bar while I'm working, and he'll be sitting with a guy who is a mutual friend, and if he's laughing and having fun I get so mad and I don't know why. And it's not any particular person he has to be sitting with it's EVERY person. (But he doesn't ever sit with girls) I know it's crazy but I don't know why I'm this way and I don't know how to change since I don't even know why I'm like this. We've been together for almost 7 months and he's never cheated on me. But if he looks at his cellphone, I can feel an adreline rush of anger. I don't want to feel this way anymore. I'm always miserable because of how I am. I'm constantly jealous of girls and even guys. When he goes to a guy friends house I get upset because I feel like he's picking them over me. And when he leaves, I feel like all the love he built up while he was around me disappears and when he gets back I have to make him love me all over again. I feel I'm "out of sight, out of mind" and he doesn't think about me, love me, or even remember me when he's gone.
Posted By : Chaos Date: 8 DEC 2013

If you are a therapist , Please login here to respond.
Hello ,
Your situation is one of inner confusion and uncertainty. The fact that you have figured out that you have a problem or an issue that needs to be addressed is good sign. you will need to get into a therapy program with one of the therapists and explore your emotions, situations and times when you feel like this. It is a process and will be good if you can enter into a email therapy program or chat version, any one of your choice and start therapy soon.
all the best
Response By: Dr. Sharanya Dinesh Date: 10 DEC 2013

Dear Chaos,

Thank you for contacting Proven Therapy!  Clearly you are uncomfortable with your emotional response to things.  The fact that you "KNOW it's dumb" shows that you have good insight into your situation.  This sort of emotional response rarely just pops up overnight for no reason.  It seems very possible that you are interpreting your current relationship in light of something that happened in the past, and/or your current boyfriend is doing something that triggers the response.  Additionally, however, the need to "make him love you" and the anxiety about this also speaks to self-esteem issues.  I would be happy to explore this with you further.  Please feel free to make an appointment or use our new email therapy service, a convenient way to have ongoing therapy at the best time for you, whenever you wish to write.  All the best to you!
Response By: Sister Jamie Brown Date: 9 DEC 2013

Relationships are very complicated ..and it is all about trust...setting boundaries...and speaking the same language as your partner.  I would be happy to talk with you ...listen...challenge you to figure out what is really going on....let me know if you would like to work with me.
Thanks for choosing ProvenTherapy
Response By: Kari Schulz Date: 9 DEC 2013

Hi Chaos,

Your letter well describes the discomfort you are feeling!
After reading it, I began to wonder if it's only in this relationship, with this particular boyfriend, that you began feeling this way, or if it extends to other relationships, past and present? You don't really say.

If it's only in this relationship that you began to feel all this anger, jealousy and the need to rebuild the reassurance that your boyfriend loves you, it may be something he's doing in the relationship that triggers your sense of insecurity.

However, if this is a feeling you're used to experiencing in many or most of your relationships, then we're talking about issues that may indicate struggles with your sense of self worth, confidence and your ability to be truly loved by others.

All of these areas can be addressed and greatly improved through counseling by developing new insights, understanding and learning new coping strategies.

I would enjoy the opportunity to work with you. Please contact me if you feel i can be of help!

Morgan Sutton, LPC
Response By: Morgan Sutton, LPC Date: 9 DEC 2013

Hi Chaos,

Thank you Chaos for sharing with Proven Therapy what is going on in your life right now that encouraged you to seek counseling. It sounds like the situation with your boyfriend and your emotions has really saddened you. You are having difficulties managing your feelings. At your age, the psychosocial crisis is intimacy versus isolation. This is a normal crisis that most of us experience. Clearly, there are new roles that are to be learned and enacted at this stage of your life.
Loss of such roles is often associated with emotional distress. If you are interested in learning more how to control your emotions to live a more happier life, I am available for counseling. I look forward in working with you.

Diane Davis, LMHC
Response By: Dr. Diane Davis Date: 9 DEC 2013

This is an exceptionally dangerous situation. 
Response By: Prof. Aleksandar Fatic Date: 9 DEC 2013

Hello!! We all get mad but itís important what we do when we get mad, and itís equally important to know why we are getting mad. Itís great that you are admitting that you have a problem.   This can be a start to tackle all the issues so that you can continue living a loving and content life.  Please email me if you are interested to have a chat session.

 Remember, you have the key to your own happiness.

Response By: Juni Shrestha Date: 9 DEC 2013

Dear  C,

Greetings. It is quite human nature ad possessive by a certain percentage of woman as they are conditioned and brought up in a   male chauvinistic world. With the same yardstick you ever measured the opposite gender. Just it happens to be your boy friend  that is all. Your precept about men general also shall go hand in hand(Am I right?). So this faulty learning of attitude shall be turned neutral and specific measurements on person around as with the personal experience and depth of association on their individual personality. Hope you have a positive  idea to change your  attitude. Another  reason may be stemming from your inadequacy of parental love and secured  emotional trust and warmth.  The trust we had  mutually and we enjoyed from our  parents are the anchor  for all our adolescent and adult problem when we reach the stage of seeking our sexual and family partner form the opposite  sex. Please contact  for a lengthy regular  session where we shall pin point the problem and then  the intervention is much easier. Or  there is no intervention required to extend the sessions when you get the fresh understanding of the issue. You shall solve the issues in the quality time you spend with your partner. Now my simple suggestion is strengthen your  commitment  and   bond with your chosen man. Because none wish to live with  a doubtful partner it will be a nightmare  for a male. Seven months are  good time to  cement any relationship if it is trustworthy.

Trust alone works for emotional security!!

All the best.



Response By: Jamal Hassan Date: 9 DEC 2013

There is a condition a new diagnosis for a type jealousy that extends beyond any normal or reasonable feelings of insecurity. I would further explore this with you and discover together the root source of you not feeling validated or safe and develop the tools to grow beyond these disabling reactions.
Response By: Eric Holmes Date: 8 DEC 2013

You feel this rage and anger because you are getting something out of it. The feeling is a comfort to you believe it or not. Maybe you are displacing another feeling that you are less comfortable with.

Also where does this jealousy stem from? Were you cheated on in the past? What about your parents? Were they together when you were growing up and if so did they have a healthy relationship? Was one always jealous or cheating?

It is good that you are ready to explore these feelings and behaviors with a counselor now. Taking responsibility is the first step

Response By: Gina Lorenzo Date: 8 DEC 2013