Often when couples who have hurt one another, try to heal and resolve their differences, their pain gets in the way and communicating effectively becomes difficult. If you haven't tried counseling I would encourage you to discuss this option with your wife. Perhaps she would agree if you suggest trying to resolve your marital problems with a neutral and professional third party present. A trained therapist can help each of you learn to understand the root of the problems, develop effective problem solving strategies and teach you both to communicate "safely" with understanding and compassion.
I wish you the best of luck. Please feel free to contact me if you feel i can be of help to you!