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How to deal with husband's affair?
Hello, I am looking for a marriage therapist. I am struggling with finding out my husband of 20+ years had a mistress and was an habitous cheater. He has begged and pleaded that he will change and never do it again. For the last year and a half he has done all I wanted to proof that he is changed, but I don't believe him any more and I don't trust him either. I can not stop thinking about this affair and find it difficult to move on, forgive him or forget it. Anyone of you professionals think you can help a trouble soul? Really need help. Thanks, Ceer
Posted By : Ceer Date: 1 OCT 2013

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Hello Ceer,

Infidelity is one of the hardest components in life to digest. It requires tremendous faith and willpower to overcome. I have some interventions that could definitely help you with your matters. Please email me or with can chat so that your concerns can be discussed further. I'm available 24 hours on weekends and 9pm-7am Monday through Friday. looking forward to hearing from you.

 


 

Response By: Jeffrey Perkins Date: 26 OCT 2013

Hello Ceer,
The first good thing that has happened to you is you know your problem and you want to work your way out of it. so let us start afresh and address your situation with a perspective which helps you be happy, positive and trusting again. Not everyone is the same and people change with time.
You need therapy on a consistent basis; so please pick a person of your choice and start immediately.
Email option may be good for you. because many things seem easier to pen than voice. once you are more in control of your emotions you can switch over to text chat or voice chat.
All the Best always
regards
sharanay
Response By: Dr. Sharanya Dinesh Date: 4 OCT 2013

Hello Ceer,
Thank you for approaching the Proven Therapy team with your concerns about your husband. Your experience with him make you realize that you are living with a difficult person whose actions made you feel betrayed throughout these years. You describe him as a habitual cheater and you do not trust him any more. You did not say anything why you continued with his man in spite of his out of control behaviour. You have seen some change in him for the last 1 1/2 years but still you cannot trust him. The past is making things difficult for you to move on. I will be happy to work with you through emails, text chat, or voice chat whichever you are  comfortable with. Kindly contact us for further help. With kind regards, 
Response By: Dr. Joseph George Date: 1 OCT 2013

Hi Ceer,

Dealing with infidelity is one of my specialties. Please feel free to be in touch.
Response By: Raffi Bilek Date: 1 OCT 2013

Ceer, infidelity is one of the most difficult things to survive emotionally. hope centred counseling often helps. let me know if you wish to pursue this way.
Response By: Prof. Aleksandar Fatic Date: 1 OCT 2013

hello Ceer,

I can help you with your feelings regarding your husband's infidelity and what steps to take with and without him-whatever works for you.

If you would like to chat on-line or email which is completely confidential (you can think about your responses and get back to me when it works for you) then reply to me.

Gina

Response By: Gina Lorenzo Date: 1 OCT 2013

Hi Ceer:

Are you comfortable using the phone to chat? If so, I would be able to help you see through this more clearly, and we can get you to a better place in order to survive this betrayal of trust and the disillusionment in life your husband's infidelity has created for you...

 In my experience in working with couples and infidelity in their marriages,  I know that no matter how much or for how long the cheating spouse says or does what the spouse who was cheated on wants; since the betrayal of trust- there is no end to the doubt, anger, feelings of helplessness, and hurt which the other partner feels while still in the relationship.

Because moving forward from that moment when the promise to each other was broken; is a matter of creating a new monogamy together with each other, and its about feeling empathy for the other person(hard to think about doing), forgiving oneself(and not just the other partner), and creating new rules and guides for your marriage. And of course not forgetting about the sex in the marriage between both partners.

I'm available to work with you, if you are keen... just get in contact with me..

Hang in there..
Best Regards,
Prem

Response By: Prem Nikoniuk Date: 1 OCT 2013

That sounds frustrating...You sound like you are stuck ..maybe scared to trust him and scared to leave him...I think that its important to know what you need from him in order to know he is being truthful.  You can' change what has already happened but you can try to keep it from happening again.  He needs to understand that he made some inappropriate choices and will need to earn your trust back.  You need to decide if you can let yourself trust him again.  If you want to talk further please let me know.
Response By: Kari Schulz Date: 1 OCT 2013